Take it Like a Man

Pairing: Malcolm Reynolds/Jayne Cobb
Category: crossdressing, humor, first time, episode related (S01E06 - Our Mrs. Reynolds), smut
Rating: NC17
Summary: Slipping a hand down into his boxers, Jayne closed his eyes and tried to imagine what had been hidden under those skirts. Wasn't too hard. Hell, there was a reason why Kaylee had dubbed Mal Capt'n Tightpants.
Notes: Spoilers: Our Mrs. Reynolds I was bored, I asked people on LJ to give me an idea and Nicci_mac wanted to know what Jayne had thought about Mal in a dress *eg*
Notes the 2nd: As always, the Chinese parts are coded, hover your mouse over them and you get the translation.
This story was originally posted on LJ in two parts, 'Take it like a Man' and 'Taking it like a Man'.

Jayne was careful to keep his face straight. He wasn't supposed to react with anything but humor or good-natured ribbin'. At least that was what he'd expected when he'd realized it'd be Mal dressin' up in a skirt.

That had been until he'd seen Mal in the skirt. It shoulda been a hilarious look. It shoulda looked downright dumb. It shoulda made Jayne laugh.

It didn't.

It made him ruttin' hot. Thankfully the shiny threads he was wearing hid a lot. Jayne could only hope they hid enough.

All he could do through the entire farce, through the firefight, was concentrate on what they had to do. The job they had to do... The gun he was hiding.

Yeah, the gorram job and not how much he wanted to throw Mal on his back, push the skirt up and spread his legs. That flash of image made Jayne wonder if Mal was wearing anything underneath.

Right, the job.

Didn't help him none that their argument in front of the assholes seemed to flow so easily. Hadn't even been rehearsed. It just... worked.

And Jayne still wanted to rip that dress off Mal, force him down and make him take it.

Like a man.

The whole thing went down fast and without any of them getting shot. A good thing and a little out of the ordinary. Not that Jayne was complaining, he preferred the not getting shot thing.

Then the whole thing with the little bitch had gone down and Jayne had had time to forget about the dress. She'd been... what was that word? Aller... alluring? Yeah, figured she'd been companion trained.


Jayne wasn't going to linger too long on the thought of him actually wanting to give away Vera in exchange for the girl. Although, if he'd had a moment of clarity, he might've shot her out the airlock. Done Mal a favor. Done them all a favor.

The night after they'd gotten the shuttle back from the bitch, Jayne woke up in his bunk, sweaty and aroused, a clear image of Mal in his mind, clad in that gorram dress with the gorram floral bonnet.

'A powerfully ugly creature.'

Jayne closed his eyes and swallowed hard. Mal might not make much of a woman, but he was a damned fine looking man and Jayne knew he himself had a thing about skirts. Or rather, about what they hid.

Slipping a hand down into his boxers, Jayne closed his eyes and tried to imagine what had been hidden under those skirts. Wasn't too hard. Hell, there was a reason why Kaylee had dubbed Mal Capt'n Tightpants.

Jayne grunted as he tightened his grip around his aching cock. It took no more than a few strokes and he bit his lower lip, swallowing the cry of release.

Getting rid of the boxers, using them to clean up the mess he'd made, Jayne sat on his bunk for a while. He could do with a midnight snack right about now. Ruttin' always made him hungry and even if he'd only gotten off on his own, he could feel the nagging urge to eat something.

He'd always had an oral fixation.

Finding a clean pair of boxers and another shirt, Jayne made his way up the ladder and out through the hatch.

He looked up as he closed the hatch behind him, finding Mal watching him. Gorram guy could be quiet when he wanted to.

"Trouble sleeping?" Mal asked.

Jayne grunted then shrugged. "Just gonna grab a bite to eat."

Mal watched him with an amused look, then sniffed. The smile widened a little.

"Whatcha smilin' at?" Jayne asked suspiciously.


"And what's so gorram amusing 'bout me?" Jayne curled his lips back into an unfriendly grin. He could do without Mal guessing anything. What he dreamt was his own business.

"Even after all the shit she put us through, you were thinkin' of her?" Mal's question came out innocently enough.

"Wasn't thinkin' 'bout her," Jayne mumbled.

"Oh... you seemed interested enough when you offered me ...Vera in exchange."

"I got wiser," Jayne defended himself, not quite meeting Mal's eyes. "'sides, I don't go for everything in a dress, ye know."

"Hmmm," Mal said. Nothing more.

"Whatcha 'hmmm'ing about?" Jayne rumbled, trying to look menacingly at Mal.

"So you didn't like me in a dress either?" Mal grinned.

Jayne didn't answer that one. He hadn't liked the dress, he'd just liked seeing Mal in it. This time Jayne looked up, without thinking.

Mal's mouth fell open, his eyes widening a little. "Oh..." he said in a low voice.

"'m not hungry after all," Jayne mumbled before turning to go back down to his bunk. He did not want this conversation.

A hand on his arm stopped him. For a moment Jayne felt as if he'd frozen in place, then he managed to turn his head and look at Mal. Who was smiling at him, although this time an entirely different kind of merriment sparkled in his eyes. Along with something else.

"I still got the dress, you know," Mal said in a low voice.

Jayne found himself licking dry lips.

"You wanna see it again?" Mal asked, tilting his head a little toward his own hatch.

Swallowing hard, Jayne swayed toward him, feeling a little dizzy.

Mal's grin turned a little lewd before he turned his back on Jayne and went toward his own quarters. "Gimme five minutes to get prettied up for ya," he said lightly. "Just don't expect me to be the one on the bottom just because I'll be the one wearin' the dress."

Jayne couldn't find his voice to answer, but he felt the biggest, stupidest gorram grin spreadin' on his own face.

The top or bottom thing they could argue about, because Jayne wasn't just going to let Mal have his way. The man could have his say as Capt'n, didn't mean Jayne would just roll over and take it in private.

At least not without a tussle. Yeah, a tussle sounded good.

Five minutes. Five gorram long minutes.

Jayne was pacing the walkway that cut through between the hatches of the crew quarters. Several times he stopped himself, hand hovering over the hatch that lead to Mal's bunk.

Taking a deep breath, Jayne leaned his head against the cool bulkhead, closing his eyes. He was lucky no one'd passed him, because looming over the Capt'n's hatch might not exactly inspire trust.

Jayne chewed on his lip, then pushed the hatch open.

"Mal?" he called down.

"Come on down," drawled the familiar voice.

Pausing for moment with his foot on the first rung of the ladder, Jayne took a deep breath, then slid down to the room below.

He found Mal standing in the middle of the room, wearing the dress and the bonnet, a wicked smile on his face.

Jayne felt his own lips stretch into a toothy grin. "You gonna make it easy for me?" he growled.

Mal raised an eyebrow. "I figure, yeah. If by easy you mean you're gonna strip and get down on the bed on all fours."

Jayne pursed his lips, making as if he was thinking about it. "I don't see me doing that for you, Capt'n."

Grinning, Mal cocked his head to the side. "I told ya, I ain't bottoming just cuz I'm wearin' a dress."

Jayne took a step forward, putting him well inside Mal's personal space. "Just cuz you're the Capt'n up there," Jayne pointed upward, "don't mean you get to call the shots down here." He turned his finger down, indicating the bunk.

"'s my bunk," Mal said with amusement.

For a heartbeat or two, Jayne assessed the situation, making note of everything, most prominently the bed behind Mal. With a growl, he moved, knowing that in a test of strength he could take Mal.

Unfortunately he'd forgotten to take into account just how dirty Mal could play.

"Tah mah duh hwoon dahn!" Jayne's attack was cut short when Mal's hands struck faster than a rattler, strong fingers gripping his crotch.

The agony of having his already painfully hard cock caught in the iron grip nearly brought tears to Jayne's eyes. "Mal..." he ground out.

"Who's toppin'?" Mal asked lightly as he got them turned around, forcing Jayne by not even relenting his grip for one moment.

"Guay... Mal!" Jayne tried to find purchase behind him and ended up on his back on the bed.

Mal hitched up his skirt and followed, eyes burning as he straddled Jayne's knees, his hand kneading instead of squeezing and Jayne let his head fall back. His breathing came in short, heavy bursts and he wasn't sure he could get enough air in to get his brain working again.

Shifting on top of him, Mal leaned forward, one hand still on Jayne's crotch, the other on the bed next to Jayne's head. "You were saying?" he asked in a deceptively calm voice.

"Chur ni-duh!" Jayne growled as he gripped Mal's upper arms and twisted the both of them off the bed, making sure that Mal ended up under him.

Well, he'd wanted a tussle, and a tussle he was getting. Jayne's blood throbbed and boiled when he spread Mal's legs, pushing the skirt up. Nothing underneath, that two bit son of a...

Jayne should have known better than to let that distract him for a moment, because that was all Mal needed. Mal twisted and squirmed and Jayne once again found himself pressed down against the cold deck.

Light glinted off metal and Jayne froze. "How...?"

Mal grinned, brandishing his prize; the big knife that Jayne normally wore for everyday use. The knife that was currently missing from the sheath strapped to his thigh.

"Mal..." Jayne wasn't sure how much he was willing to trust Mal. He did so when the man acted as their Capt'n. And right at that moment there wasn't much left of the Capt'n at all.

Mal studied the blade for a moment, letting the metal catch the light again. One hand snaked down to grab the waistband of Jayne's trousers.

Jayne held his breath as Mal rested the knife against the garment.

"Mal..." he warned.

Licking his lips, Mal slipped his fingers down inside the trousers, brushing against the sensitive skin of Jayne's belly.

Then the knife followed and Jayne prayed that Mal had as steady a hand with the knife as he had with a gun. The blade slid through the trousers as easily as a warm knife through butter.

Jayne thought for a moment that he was done for. The sharp metal bit through the garment where his cock was currently trying to get out, but Mal's free hand slid down to cup it protectively.

Mal didn't stop until the trousers were slit open from front to ass. Jayne never saw where the knife went after that, because he'd long since closed his eyes, partly terrified by the blade so close to his pride and joy, and partly so turned on he thought he might pass out.

Jayne didn't even fight Mal at first, when his legs were forced further apart and up. When he opened his eyes and realized that the knife was gone, he tried to kick Mal, who just grinned like a maniac and seemed ten times stronger than normally.

Deceptive strength. Jayne really should have known. Mal was always more than he appeared to be.

Finally Jayne lay back, conceding to the inevitable. And he wasn't even sure if he was disappointed in himself or not.

Mal leaned down over him, skirt spread out, covering where Mal's cock was pressed against Jayne's balls. The bonnet was askew, hanging halfway off Mal's head. Sweat beaded Mal's upper lip and forehead and for a moment Jayne watched a drop of it trickle down Mal's temple.

"This is your chance," Mal said softly. "If you say no now, I'll get up and you can leave."

"This was the one place I wasn't gonna let you outdo me," Jayne sighed, not sure if he wanted to say yes or no. If he wanted to leave or submit. "I'm your subordinate up there," he said with a nod. "Didn't wanna be that down here."

Mal gave him a surprised look. "Oh...," he said. "I thought you found yourself too much man to bottom."

Jayne shook his head. "Just wasn't gonna back down on yet another thing," he admitted.

Nodding, Mal looked thoughtful. "If it's any consolation, when you think you can get it up again, you can do me," he said with a grin and a wink.

Blinking in surprise, Jayne looked up at him.

"Well?" Mal asked, impatiently rocking against Jayne.

Jayne just stared up at him, not sure what to say.

"Well?!" Mal repeated. "Can I fuck you?"

Jayne shivered at the words, then nodded as he felt his own mouth stretch into a wide grin. "Hell yeah," he admitted.

Mal's answering grin was nearly blinding and Jayne slid his legs up over Mal's shoulders, fighting with the dress.

Hitching up the skirt, Mal struggled with a glass of something, reached down under Jayne and one slick finger slid along the warm space behind his balls.

Jayne groaned as one finger became two fingers. It'd been a ruttin' long time since he'd done this, but he felt the familiar burn ease, becoming something entirely different. Especially when Mal added a third finger a moment later, roughly pushing them in and out of Jayne.

Wasn't much preparation before Mal pushed Jayne's legs higher, reaching between them to push the head of his cock against Jayne's slick opening.

Letting out his breath slowly, Jayne tried to relax as Mal pushed painstakingly slow into him. Jayne looked down at the skirt that was spread out over them both, hiding any show of flesh from his eyes.

"Come on," Mal groaned as he pushed the rest of the way in, fingers digging into Jayne's thighs.

Jayne's grinned as he slipped his hands under the skirt, finding his own cock with one hand, letting the other slide down to touch the heat where Mal was buried inside him.

Mal growled and gripped even tighter, then pulled back slowly to only pound back into Jayne.

Jayne let his head drop back onto the metal floor, groaning as he jerked himself off. It felt odd to do so under the feel of the rough skirt. Like the garment was hugging his cock where he wasn't touching it, sticking to the wet tip.

The slide in and out of him quickened and Jayne managed to look up at Mal whose eyes were scrunched shut. His face looked tense with concentration as he pounded into Jayne. Every thrust rocked Jayne's body, and every thrust made Jayne grip himself harder.

Jayne knew his voice was loud when he finally cut loose. His cock jerked in his hand and the sticky fluid filled his hand as he squeezed the tip, milking it for all it was worth. He squeezed Mal's cock inside him as he rode out his own orgasm, grinning meanly when he heard Mal swear under his breath.

If Jayne thought he'd been loud, it was nothing compared to the sounds that Mal made as his hips jerked against Jayne's ass, warm heat spreading inside of Jayne.

Mal finally collapsed, curved over Jayne's body.

Jayne reached up with his free hand, while he was still rubbing his cock with the other. He pushed the bonnet all the way off and petted the sweaty hair on Mal's head.

"Wanna move this to the bed?" he asked lightly. "Can't be too good on the knees. Sure ain't good on my back."

Mal snorted and finally looked up, eyes glassy and sated. The smile on his face reminded Jayne of a cat back home that his ma had caught with its whiskers in the cream.

Jayne grinned. "If you let me have a little nap, I'll do you in a bit."

Laughing, Mal pulled out of him, smirking when Jayne winced, not just feeling the strain, but the semen rushing back out of his body.

Well, hell. It was easier to clean off the metal deck than the sheets anyway.

Mal finally stood, the skirt a complete mess. He winced as he stood straight, stretching his arms above his head and Mal could hear how the spine popped back in alignment. Licking his lips, Mal offered him a hand up.

Jayne took the offered hand and let Mal pull him to his feet. The small of his back made a disturbingly cracking noise and Jayne reluctantly admitted to himself that he weren't as flexible as he'd been years ago.

Mal pulled him closer, turning them so he could push Jayne down on the bed. "You staying here for the nap?" he asked casually.

Nodding, Jayne looked up at him. He was feeling too sated to fight Mal's hold on him.

"Good." Mal slid down to lie next to him, propped up on his elbow. "Issit true you don't kiss?" he asked curiously as Jayne felt sleep tug at his eyelids.

Jayne forced his eyes open again, shooting him a warning look. "Yeah. What of it?"

"Hmmm," Mal said. "Too bad, I kinda have an oral fixation." He licked his lips, eyes drifting down to Jayne's mouth.

"I mean it, Mal." Jayne shook his head. "I don't kiss on the mouth."

"Hmmm," Mal said again, his expression a little too familiar to Jayne.

"Stop yer schemin' 'n' plottin', Mal," he warned. "I don't. I told ya."

Mal snorted and lay down and Jayne finally let his eyes close.

"Said the same thing about me fucking you," was the last thing Jayne heard before he drifted off to sleep.

The End